I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
