all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
