Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
