Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
