so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize