Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
