note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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