would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
