Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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