my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need a beard to bite.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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