singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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