I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He kissed a someone with a penis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
