4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
