Apparently you make a good broom.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
