dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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