You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
