I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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