You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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