She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
