last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
