If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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