My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize