she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
