This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
