I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
