I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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