if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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