bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
