nut hugger
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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