you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
