between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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