We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
