You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
