so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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