I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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