In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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