I cockslap morals
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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