How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
