im having a threesome with these popsicles
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Two words: blizzard sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
