No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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