whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
