it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
