I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
