I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
