I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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