I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
