This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
