onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
