Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
