No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
