so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
