I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
