Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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