it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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