i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
worst night to have a conscience
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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