I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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