Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
