drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
