absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
