I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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