And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
