When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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