Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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