NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
