I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize