nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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