can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
