when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
