make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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