a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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