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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
