I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
