Umm I'm too high to move.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
