did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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